take a deep breath, now.

"In the green autumnal parks conducting
All the city streets a wondrous chorus
Singing all these poses now no longer boyish
Made me a man ah but who cares what that is
And you said watch my head about it.
Oh no, oh no, no kidding."
-- Rufus Wainwright, Poses

It feels pretty surreal. After waiting months and weeks, I'm now days - and by the time you see this, hours, even - from leaving for the City. And I can't put how I feel into words. (But, as we all know, I'm going to try anyway.)

First of all, I'm so excited. I've wanted this for a long time. And despite what some people think, I'm not going in with these outrageous expectations of some Sex and the City meets Gossip Girl lifestyle. What I'm excited for is the city life, my city love.

Things like:

• Being surrounded by literally millions of people with their own stories to tell, all so different from mine, yet they brought us to the same place.
• The sheer volume of different cultures juxtaposed in a relatively tiny island.
• Having the opportunity to experience art in an infinite number of ways - from the high culture of displays at the Met to struggling musicians playing their hearts out in local dives.
• Working at a place that cares so much about changing the state of our world, with dozens of other young adults who are just as excited about it as I am.
• Carving out my niche in a place where a girl can find any- and every-thing.

I'm also nervous. When I think about how close I am, my heart just jumps into my throat, and I lose my breath a little. I'm trusting that everything will work out just as it's supposed to be. I know that's the case. But it's tough breaking out of my comfort zone - that level of control.

I'm anxious about:

• Finding a place to live. It's the biggest challenge, and the first one I'll face. I know, I know, I know that God will provide, but it's so hard to sit and wait.
• Connecting and making lasting relationships with people the way I have everywhere else I've ever been. But I take comfort in knowing that I have done that in every other place I've gone. I can do it again.
• Missing my comforts from home. Of course, I know that I'll miss the people I love who are scattered across the country and globe. I also know that just because they're not next door doesn't mean that we can't be just as close. But I know there are things I won't know I miss until it just hits me.
• Okay, this is really dumb, but I've come to terms with the fact that I probably won't have room to keep all my shoes in their boxes. But that doesn't mean I like it. That's just what I do. Maybe I'll just have to sacrifice something else to save the space. (Can you see how crazy I'm going? Ha!)
• Carving out my niche in a place where a girl can get lost in the rush.

These two emotions, mixed with dozens of others, are going to just have to travel with me now that my wild ride is about to begin. I'll document it and share it with you here, as this little lamb finally gets to the big city.